Don’t Condemn Where You Come From…
For therein lies your true wealth.
My father grew up on a farm in Namibia. At best you can expect rain sometime around Christmas. At worst, no rain that year, nor the next. Singing Christmas carols at 40 degrees in the shade, takes some getting used to. We were lucky, we were used to it. We couldn’t say that much for our cousins visiting from Switzerland and the States. What we had in common was our heritage. Part of which was a simple upbringing with not too much bells and whistles. You did as you were told. You went to school, were instructed to get good grades and tried to make as little noise as possible.
A generation or so later, without the ever present anxiety on the part of the parents to keep the lights on and food on the table, we now have bigger issues than we thought we had. Children have all sorts of problems, from separation anxiety in kindergarden to ADHD, peer pressure and other detrimental coping mechanisms such as drugs and alcohol.
The values that were instilled in us from a decade or two ago, are what keeps us going. Honour is found in hard work, listening to your parents and building yourself in terms of college, career and later finding a life partner and settling down. The options are many and can be overwhelming, but if you keep your values close to heart, you somehow eliminate some of the issues. Find a good job, stick around through the initial hardships, live below your means, stay out of debt, build savings, and “don’t let your eyes be bigger than your stomach when it comes to eating!” I am one for keeping things uncomplicated and in perspective. Why is it that two different people can have the same issues, and one takes it in his stride, while the other is all but falling apart?
Here are some tips to keep the flame of your upbringing burning strong.
- If your grandparents are alive and are close enough, go and visit them.
Visit them not to show them how far you’ve come, or what fancy job you have or what college you are going to. Just sit in their presence and observe how they do things. Maybe it is hanging the washing on the line outside or your grandpa underneath a jacked up old Ford. One thing will become clear. They take pleasure in the most mundane of tasks. They are probably up at sunrise (with aches and pains) and keep going until after dinner when the dishes are all washed up and the kitchen sink sparkles.
2. If you have a native language, take pride in it.
Spend time and have conversations with family and friends and keep the language and spirit alive. You will only miss it once it’s gone. Some of us are trying so hard to fit in so we don’t stand out so much. It is in the standing out that we find our place. Be comfortable with who and where you are.
3. Take a bus trip or plane to your old neighbourhood.
When you realise how far you’ve come, you won’t take it for granted. It grounds you. It builds character. You realise that things could’ve been different. There are people who would give everything to have the opportunities you had. For some reason they are left behind, you are not. Sit in that realisation and let it shape your next steps.
4. Decide to delay gratification for future gains.
As a family we went on holiday once a year around Christmas. The holiday consisted of us taking a 12 hour drive to visit family in Cape Town. We needed money for fuel to get there and back. We would stay at my aunt’s house, sleep on the floor with my cousins and generally have a ball. When things were going well, we could probably have afforded to make the trip more than once a year. But we took the trip every year around the same time. Why? Making another trip would cost more money. Money that needed to be put away. We waited the whole year for that trip. The wait makes you appreciate it more. Spend time waiting, instead of having everything at once. The good things will be worth the wait.
I would love to hear your story.
Much Love,
Michelle
